30 Things I've Unlearned, Relearned, And Learned About Writing

1 day ago
12 min read

This week, I turn 30.

I've found myself doing a fair bit of reflecting over the past weeks. The past decade especially has been quite the roller coaster between the various jobs I've had, navigating grief several times over, a freaking pandemic, a newly developed chronic illness, finally receiving an ADHD diagnosis after years of quietly dismissed speculation, and just trying to figure out who I want to be, not just who I'm permitted or expected to be.

Despite the setbacks, I've grown in ways I couldn't have imagined at 20. And I feel like my writing has grown, too.

For this week's post, here are 30 things I've learned, unlearned, and re-learned about writing.

Your first manuscript may not be THE manuscript — it's a bitter pill to swallow. You've spent so long working on this book, only for it to not work out. The story that makes you a writer may not be the one that makes you a published author, and it can happen for any number of reasons. That mentality of "winners never quit" isn't a hard and fast rule in writing. Many great ideas end up being shelved because it's simply not their time yet or your skillset isn't where you'd like it to be. Remember, the shelf is not the dumpster. You can always come back to these ideas, refine them, and give them new life.
Learning to let go — Shelving my first-ever attempt at writing a novel was one of the greatest challenges I've faced as a writer, but it was also one of the most important lessons for me to learn. Even when you're super passionate about the project you're working on, there may come a time when you can't make it work. Moving on may not be easy, certainly not my first choice, but I know that allowing myself to go on new adventures instead of locking myself into one rut has been a key factor in finding my own self as a writer.

Similarly, there's the matter of letting go and standing back while your book baby makes its way into the world. It's learning to recognize when you've done all that you can with the skills that you have and handing it off to someone else.
Embrace the magic in the mess of your first draft — I spent so much of my early writing days trying to pen the perfect first draft. Guess what: that ain't happening.

Your first draft is telling yourself the story and allowing it to decide what it wants to be. Embracing the messiness of that first draft allows you to unearth the magic hiding within it. Remember, you can fix anything in the editing phase.
It's okay to not know everything as long as you are willing to learn — Writing is said to be a craft in which there are no masters. Our practices are constantly evolving as we gain new knowledge through trial and error. Nobody knows everything. We're all just trying to figure it out and making it up as we go. What matters is how willing you are to learn.
Writing is oh so much more than writing — Writers wear more hats than I initially thought. Back when I was drafting my first WIP as a teen, I knew that there was the writing part (duh!) and some editing on the writer's part, but I was under the assumption that everything else would basically be someone else's problem when I signed with an agent.

That, of course, isn't the case. The work doesn't stop when you've signed with an agent. There will be more editing and paperwork and more writing. There are things done in-house, like formatting and cover design, but you'll also have to do a fair bit, if not all, of your marketing. Unless you're an already established author that your publisher can feel confident investing in, you'll be lucky to get more than a sliver of the promo budget. It's not personal. It's a business gamble.

This is only for the traditional publishing route. Self-published authors, from what I understand, are wearing even more hats on their heads (but often ability to decide which heads to delegate those hats to).
Writing is also waiting — Writing takes way longer than I intially thought. Like, WAY longer. And it's not just because the book itself takes time to write and refine.

A good chunk of writing is simply waiting for things to happen, be it waiting for feedback from a critique partner or beta reader, waiting to hear back from an agent you've queried, waiting while you're on sub, and all of the waiting between each step of the publication process.

There are several reasons they say you should start writing your second book before you've published the first, one of which is surely the need to focus on something other than the waiting.
Not everyone will be there to help you... — Social media can be great for writers seeking advice and community. However, some people aren't there to be social. I can't tell you how many times I'd had interactions with someone who seemed genuine, only to find their intentions actually weren't. After a few messages chatting about what we're working on or about a post of mine that they'd commented on, they'd start dropping links to their Amazon page or a special discount code for their author services or ask me to promote them. And even more would bypass that rigamarole and automatically cold-message those ads as soon as I followed the account.

Marketing is hard, but this all too common means of going about it had me feeling equally annoyed and dejected early on. Plus, we all know the stories of people doubting a writer until their big break, at which point they turn around and show up because they now expect to get something out of their perceived association.
...so it's important to find the people that are there for you — I can't stress this enough. We spend so much time in our own heads, doing our own thing, but that doesn't mean we have to go it alone. Having a support system as a writer is vital, whether that's a writing group or a non-writing friend who's willing to be your sounding board on the hard days.
You won't please every reader, so stop trying to — This is perhaps the most significant thing you'll find on this list. Maybe it's the people pleaser in me or my compulsion to fix things that aren't my responsibility to fix, but pretty much since the start of my writing journey, I was determined to write the one book that every single reader would love. In doing that, however, I lost sight of the book I wanted to write. Moreover, my own voice got muffled. This year, I'm making it a focus to tune into my intuition and come back to writing what fuels my creativity.
No, beta readers are NOT going to steal your writing and claim it as their own (and they're super important to have).
You don't have to be a Plotter — Time and time again, I've heard writers stress the importance of having a fully fledged outline before diving into a new project. I did my best to abide by that but, truth be told, it doesn't work for me. Trying to squeeze myself into the Plotter box was a detriment to my writing. I'd stress myself out trying to craft the perfect outline, and then nine times out of ten, whatever outline I had would be rendered obsolete in just a few chapters. It led to frustration and eventual burnout.

I am a Plantser who leans more towards Pantsing. Outlines have their place and do work for so many writers, but they don't work for all writers.

A Tided Love especially has challenged me to embrace my Pantser side, and I am so grateful for that. It's been healing and validating for my writer self.
What works for one project might not work for another — Many writers develop their go-to tricks and failsafe methods that never steer them wrong. Sometimes, though, you'll have a WIP that requires a different approach. Maybe it wants to be Pantsed over Plotted, or it's better as a first-person story when you normally write in third. Don't be afraid to experiment with your writing process. You may end up pleasantly surprised.
Writing isn't a lucrative pursuit (at least, not in the monetary sense...) — Nowadays, it's wild to me to see how many people assume writers get rich quick from their books or that we are, indeed, in it for the money.

I've written more about royalties and how traditionally-published authors are paid in this post, but long story short, royalties—which is the portion of the profit a traditionally published author receives from book sales—don't start rolling in until you've earned out, meaning that you've made back the advance your publisher gave you when they bought your manuscript.

Royalties are just one of the reasons an author might decide to self-publish, but the trade-off is that rather than have things like editing and formatting done in-house, you're footing the bill and coordinating all of those pieces yourself. And while I've only just started looking into self-publishing more intently recently, the research I've done indicates that it comes with some substantial costs if you want it done right.

So many authors will continue to hold a day job apart from their writing because of how lucrative writing actually isn't. The majority of us start writing not out of a hunger for fame and wealth, but out of the sheer love of stories.
You don't need to shell out hundreds of dollars to be a good, knowledgeable writer — This is something I've written more extensively about in this post but long story short, writers are inundated with how-to books, subscriptions, courses, gadgets, and software, each claiming with the utmost certainty that they can and will make you a better writer—for a substantial fee.

Here's the deal: these resources aren't the only ones out there, and so much of the information presented can be found for free or for less online, making it much more accessible. Don't be afraid to check out reviews and research alternatives.
Know what to splurge on — As a writer, there are things you'll be spending money on, especially if you're going to self-publish your work, so it's a good idea to understand what shortcuts you definitely cannot take. Self-editing your manuscript can only take it so far, making hiring an editor a must for any writer (which isn't exactly inexpensive). Meanwhile, formatting is something that you might be able to on your own if you have the time and tools to learn it. Creating a realistic budget can go a long way.
College degrees are not a must and will not guarantee literary success — You may be surprised to hear this, considering I have a bachelor's in English and Communication with a creative writing concentration and do want to go for my master's eventually, but hear me out: having a college degree does not instantly make you a better writer. College gave me the opportunity to take different writing classes and explore different forms of writing, but having that degree is not a be-all-end-all. A lot of what I know about writing has come from things outside of the classes I took in college (and didn't come with hefty tuition fees I didn't comprehend back in the day).

Pursuing a college degree can be worthwhile for so many people, but it isn't a requirement to be a writer. There are plenty of ways to nurture your writing talent outside of academia.
Celebrate the little victories — Writing can be stressful! We place so much emphasis on celebrating the big milestones like signing with an agent or landing a book deal or earning out if you're traditionally published, and those are 1000% worth celebrating. But with so many small steps along the way, it's important to recognize the smaller achievements, too. Did you write for the first time in a week? Cross a word count threshold? Finally figure out how to fix that plothole? Sent your work to a beta reader? Sent out a query to an agent? Told someone else about your WIP? GO YOU! Celebrate that!
Seek out the small joys — Speaking of small things, seek time to find the small joys in your writing routine. What seemingly inconsequential things excite you? It could be anything from your favorite pen to getting to write your favorite trope. Having these small joys can add that whimsy back into being a writer.

I've actually just shared a list of ways to romanticize your writing life, which is a great place to start!
Said is NOT dead — We've all heard it. Maybe you believed it as strongly as I did. TLDR; everything in moderation. Said is NOT dead.
Fuck Imposter Syndrome. Seriously.
You don't need to fit into the stereotypical writer's aesthetic to be taken seriously as a writer.
Putting yourself out there is scary, but oh so worth it — Writers are known to be reclusive and broody. But in all actuality, we shouldn't be. There is a lot in writing that we do solo (unless we have a co-author we're working with), but that gets lonely and can be detrimental not only to your writing, but to your mental health.

Don't be afraid to seek out writing friends online or local writing groups. Having that community is crucial. It's also a great way to get feedback on your work before enlisting beta readers. Not to mention, you never know what opportunities it might bring!
Let others read your writing (when you're ready) — Back in the day, you'd be hard-pressed to get me to tell you anything about my WIP, and I think that unwillingness to get outside feedback was one of the things holding my writing back in the long run.

I'll usually wait until I've finished a first draft and have done a couple of rounds of editing before passing the story on to beta readers (my critique group being the exception, they get things a little earlier).
Know who to show your writing to (and who not to, for now) — I've found that telling people you're writing a book can go a few main ways: they're abvialent or dismissive, or they're enthusiastically supportive. I've been fortunate to have so many of the latter in my life, and a lot of them have expressed interest in reading my drafts. As appreciative as I am, I've only allowed a small handful of people access to my drafts—and not just because the mere notion of my conservative senior citizen aunt reading my book's spice scenes has me crawling out of my skin.

My writing group usually gets the first look at whatever I'm working on because they can view it from a writer's perspective and offer critiques from that lens, which tends to be the feedback I need at that early stage and along the way.

Several of my coworkers have "bullied" me into letting them read my work (their word choice, not mine), and that works well for the days I just need a boost and a reminder that my writing isn't nearly as bad as I'm assuming it is after staring at it for so long. It's in the vein of a positivity pass.

Beyond that, my writing stays with me until I'm ready to connect with beta readers. Those beta readers probably won't include my loved ones because I'd need unbiased insight, primarily from readers within my genre who know what to look for.

Being selective when it comes to who gets to read your manuscript and when helps ensure you're getting the kind of feedback you need so when your family does finally get to read your writing, they're getting the best version.
Discerning which advice to take — Seeking feedback is crucial, but you also need to learn how to discern which feedback is worth taking and what you can dismiss.

You may get feedback that you don't agree with. Sometimes, it's out of bad faith or just misses the mark entirely. But sometimes, they might be on to something.

If you have a majority of people saying the same thing, it's probably a good idea to revisit that area of your WIP.

That being said, taking too much of that feedback can make it harder to hear your writerly instincts (trust me, I know). It goes back to that point about trying to please every reader. In some cases, it's wise to reject the feedback you're getting.

Know which editing battles to fight, but always keep an open mind.
That thing you're stressing over? You're probably overthinking it.
Consistency is key... — Your book won't write itself, after all! This doesn't mean that you have to write every single day because, let's face it, that's not realistic for everyone. But you do have to show up for your WIP. The longer you're away from your writing, the harder it can be to jump back in.
...but rest days are important! — We all need time to reset and recharge. Taking periodic breaks from your writing helps prevent burnout and can keep your creativity alive and well.
Find hobbies outside of writing — Like I mentioned in this post, there was a long time when writing was pretty much entwined with my identity. My WIP took up so much of my free time and I rarely indulged in anything else. Recognizing that and breaking that pattern has been a major game-changer for my writing and mental health overall. I've gotten more into nail art, gaming, candlemaking, and even started a YouTube channel a few short weeks ago!

The trick is not letting these interests become procrastination.
There is no "right" way to write — If there is one thing I want you to take away from this list, this would be it. As a writer, you're inundated with opinions and advice and how-to guides, and you might feel compelled to follow them like gospel. The truth is, there is no right way to write your book. The things that work for you might not work for me, and vice versa. Moreover, embracing the things that make your writing unique will make it resonate with your readers that much more. Don't feel pressured to get it right. Just get it written, as only you can.

I'd love to know which of these lessons resonates with you the most! What lessons have you found most valuable in your own writing journey? Tell me everything in the comments below!